Bro’s Guide in Bride Selection
Conjugative Guide for Indian Arranged Marriages
This contains the collective knowledge of all the bro’s told/ discussed/ debated during the time “they got high on weed”, “got drunk with alcohol”, “friends real life experiences” & some bullshit imaginations. Extensive research has been done among friends and online to get to this insane conclusion, so the tips given in this are to be taken with utmost respect, never to be ignored nor to be taken lightly.
Let’s face it, every girl you had a crush on is not your GF either because you didn’t have balls to say that you like her, or every girl you have dated has left you because of your incompetence. You have given hopes on getting a girlfriend by yourself so you gave the task of finding you a wife to the humanity’s last hope your parents & relatives.
If you remember right the last time you talked openly about you or your interests with your parents might be when you stuck your penis in the pants zip. So your parents don’t know shit about you are looking for women you want to marry, so they try to find someone who they feel is good for the 15 years version of you.
Following are the set of instructions, indications to protects the all the bro’s
Social media ghost:
The first thing you do when you know the name of the girl is to search her on social media. If you can’t find her on Facebook, Instagram or on Twitter she is hiding something, abort mission!!
Nowadays every fucking person has a social media account, the only reason she has deactivated her accounts is that she doesn’t want you to see her nasty past.
No DP?? No personality:
Let’s face it, everyone has a face that can be photographed. The first quality of a strong personality is to accepting yourself the way you are.
If she doesn’t have her picture or have a actress/ actor’s picture as her DP, let her go. This probably means she doesn’t like the way she looks or is so she doesn’t want others to see her.
Mama’s / dada’s girl?? Leave her alone plz..:
Ask her on a date or to do something for you if she says, “let me ask my parents” you are better off without her.
This basically means she doesn’t have an individual personality and depends on other people’s opinion for her decisions in life.
Social media addict:
Go on a date, see how many times looks at her phone, her daily activity on the social media platform, how many dag filter pictures she takes with her snapchat… If you think you think she doesn’t give a shit about your presence indulging herself in her social media, leave her alone with her phone.
If she talks about marriage and children on the first time you meet, ABORT..ABORT!!! That’s a big red flag.
Is she behind you every single time like a tail it’s better to cut her off.
Just imagine yourself sitting on your sofa and your wife constantly pissing you for doing the dishes, cleaning the house, to bring the groceries… Oh ya, that is what I want you to stay away from.
P.S. When a guy says he will clean the house then he will do it, there is no necessity to constantly remind him every single second.
The Jealous psycho
These jealous bit*hes come under the must avoid list. Did she ask you about your previous girlfriends in the first few hours of your meeting? Is she checking your phone while you are away? Did she ask you for your FB password??
The Desperate Loner
Everyone likes when his girls care about him, but the problem occurs when she starts overdoing it. The signs may include, calling/ messaging every hour to check up on you, they start changing their lifestyle, habits to be compatible with yours. She cooks for you, wait for you, care for you, it is all good in the beginning as it so overwhelming but later you find yourself in a big booby trap. You will realize that there is personal space for yourself, she is constantly on your back.
Can’t drive, I’m not your fucking Uber driver:
The ability to drive a bike or a car has become a more of a necessity. A girl who hasn’t drive till a marriage life has depended on some other person for her needs that may be her father, brother or friends. The next thing you, you will be replacing all them, you will be driving her to work, off from work, to the beauty parlor, in no time you will become her fucking driver.
Sneaky little Slut:
Let’s face it, every girl you meet is not a freaking saint, no matter what their parents tell how godly person she is, she might be an absolute opposite to it.
Maybe she likes to sleep around, or have multiple flings & the only reason she is marrying you is that her parents are forcing her to marry you. So it is always advisable her to see how she is around better guys than you. The signs are usually very subtle like, is she laughing at stupid jokes that are not even funny, how & where is she placing her hand?? (waist and below is a no-no) What kind of hug is gives and how long does it last (anything that lasts more than 3 sec).
The Penny- Pitcher
We have all witnessed that cheap girl who never pay for her drinks, food & other stuff. All she wants is you to gift for every single occasion.
So here is how you sniff out that cheapo, on your first date sees if she is reaching out for her purse when the check arrives. Don’t let her pay on the first date but observe if she is offering to split it, if not say bye bye..
Some women have these super fetish sex desires, you are not able to provide it to them she will definitely try to get it from someone else. If you think you can’t handle her desires, better look out for someone else.
She decides what you have to wear in front of their friends, she is the one who orders the food at the restaurant, she decides what table you guys should get to the house. after a while, you feel you are living someone else life if you have your own personality better to avoid these girls.
The Golddigger- get a fucking prenup:
Look your face in the mirror, if you feel that, the hot chick you want to marry is really into you or for the money you have?? It is a very common practice in Indian families to marry their daughter’s just because your family is wealthy.
It is very easy to identify these girls, just observe how comfortable she is while she is introducing you to her best friends. See her previous boyfriends, this will give you an idea to see what kind of guys she is into.
Talk to her friends and see the number of people she friend zoned?? What kind of people she friend zoned? This will give you an idea what she really wants in her life, if you can’t reach her expectation better to find someone else.
All Indian brothers
These are my biggest no-no’s, what the fuck is with these girls who think if you don’t consider a guy as her brother, he is going to love her.. If your fiance is like this, there is something wrong with her thinking, so heads-up.
The Boring Household
Better to stay away from the one who can’t drive or too afraid to drive because after marriage your whole life who be like an Uber driver dropping and picking her off from beauty parlors to work.
Note: Driving is something that can be learned, it is pathetic that she didn’t learn till now but if she agrees to learn then it alright.
Let’s start the viva
Let’s realize that Indians are different from the western world, we can’t & won’t divorce our wives and marry a new one. First of all, it’s stupid and second Indian marriages cost a lot of money, imagine calling all your relatives for one more wedding of yours. So it’s better to find the right one for the first time. So before committing to a lifelong relationship, please communicate your desires, goals & passions. So following are few communication gaps one has to bridge it off.
When do you want kids?
The first thing after marriage, the family & relatives are after us asking the question, “So when are you giving us a child to play??” If they are that eager why don’t they produce someone with their own sperm and eggs.
Before even proceeding into deciding for a marriage, one has to be clear on at what period of time they want kids. Everyone has their own dreams, passions and pace they want the things to be done in their respective life. Some even don’t want children so be sure you mention that. So be absolutely sure that you both are sailing in the same boat.
Clear the Air:
Don’t be dumb enough to think that you are the first guy she is been with. You know she is hot, that’s the main reason you have agreed to marry her, so there is a very high probability that she was in a relationship with other boys which might have ended and she agreed to a piece of shit like you. Ask her about her previous relationship and accept her present without being an ass.
Frequency of Sex
You pervert horse I know you have been depriving of having sex for a long time either you are still a virgin or your previous girlfriend left you a long time ago. Research says a newlywed couple at least have 5 times, and 5 days a week, the question is, does your fiance want the same??? It’s better to be on the same page when it comes to the sex part, your filthy fantasies, fetish sex etc.
The lazy ass:
I know that you haven’t worked around the kitchen even once in your life, or took out the trash even once in your life. You know how lazy fuck you are, it’s better to disclose it before that you were a fucking prince and not going to help her out in household works or give assurance that you are going to change.
You fucking drunk, I know you have spent all your money on alcohol and maxed out your credit card. I order to have a healthy marriage it is good to disclose all your debts or real idea of your wealth/ savings.
It alright if a girl is not a virgin:
Alright, if you were unable to get into girl pants doesn’t mean she wasn’t successful in experiencing her sexuality. And experience does matter, so your first experience might be a good one. FYI, man 2 a man first experiences suck big time.
Don’t beg for money: there is always a catch
Everyone wants to become rich overnight without working for it, the most common practice being taking a dowry. Just because you were born as a guy, don’t think you deserve it. Even she agrees to give her parents hard earned money, don’t expect it to be free, there is always a catch.
Beauty comes in all colors
Let’s agree on a point that, half of the Indians are fascists, judging a person by their color. Have you seen the color of your d*ck?? You don’t throw it because it is different from your face.
Just because a girl is fair than the other doesn’t mean she is going to love you more or you are going to have a better life. Give importance to the brain and hearth rather than color.
Size doesn’t matter, neither yours nor hers
Before expecting a girl with 34-28-36 please take a hard look at yourself in the mirror, if you look like you have a football in your belly don’t expect your girl to have a flat belly. Outer personality is moldable, but it is not the same as the inner personality.
Maturity is the new caste
Stop the bullshit about marrying someone of your own caste/ religion. Don’t even start me on the families prestige. I am pretty sure you didn’t think about the caste when you were on that hooker you hired. If you catogerize women on the caste basis, you need to have hard look in the mirror.
An empty mind is a devil’s workshop: don’t stop in her dreams
As long as she at home doing household works, she is going to make your life a hell, spending all your hard earned money on stupid things. If she works she will be occupied with her own job & helping financially to the house.
There is no fun in drinking alone:
I don’t see why people think, drinking is for guys?? Having a drinking buddy right at home will save you lot of trips to the bar.